to be read while listening to David Hunt's "Shower Me with Love"

What is this life? Is it scrounging to make enough money to eat and clothe your children? Is it the drudge of working 40 mindless hours, spending 8 sleeping, and the last precious 8 in front of the TV? I'm not like the strong ones, who God created to be able to struggle and fight for an existence in a bleak world of no opportunities. What did You do when You created me? So sensitive. A fragile and needy orchid among a field of sturdy dandelions. How do they go from day to day, toiling to make ends meet? Some actually seem satisfied. I wonder if I can ever be? Not without beauty I know that. Life is nothing to me without it. Beauty, love, light, spirit - these are my food. I will die of starvation without them. This life is more than material sustenance - by God, this life has to be mysterious powers of the spirit in order for me to live it. How could God make one who is so dissatisfied with what so many long for? Who am I to want so much light, when so many are living with none? Do they even know it exists? ...Maybe that's why I'm here. Can I shine the Sun? This weak, needy child? Can she, who was made so unable, be of use? Nothing do I hope for more than this. Please God, use me. Let me be for something. Let my inadequacies be my tools. Let the way I was made, with all these "flaws", serve Your Beauty. Can I do this? My soul prays for it. Will God support me in this? Will the Ocean of the Spirit flow to my aid if I remember what I cam here for? Please God, let it be so.

Comments

[patrick]

O SON OF SPIRIT!
I created thee rich, why dost thou bring thyself down to poverty? Noble I made thee, wherewith dost thou abase thyself? Out of the essence of knowledge I gave thee being, why seekest thou enlightenment from anyone beside Me? Out of the clay of love I molded thee, how dost thou busy thyself with another? Turn thy sight unto thyself, that thou mayest find Me standing within thee, mighty, powerful and self-subsisting.

I think you underestimate yourself!

[kari]

i loved this post. very beautifully written. and what's interesting is that what we see in ourselves can be so different from what others see in us. what you see in yourself is not what i see in you.

"Who am I to want so much light, when so many are living with none?"

there's enough for all of us. for those of us who know where to find the light, it's true, we have an added responsibility not to hoard it and hide it, huh? but from what i hear you do neither of those.

[dan jones]

hope you're having a good fast Jessica. cheers and take care of yourself.

[prema]

Hi Jessica!
I was googling for apartments in the Evanston area and included "Baha'i" in the search string, and behold this post came up (or the one just after it?) This is weird only because David Hunt (and myself) are apartment hunting in Evanston! Are you still in the area?

[Anna Luxion]

Jessica, you are an incredible person. the Sun shines on this whole world--wanting to be a part of that light simply means you are so much more than just a simple human being. you are a radiant light in your own right, and when there is so much darkness in the world right now, you are exactly what is needed. i am very proud and happy to call such a wonderful, beautiful person a friend. :)

[Alexander M Zoltai]

This is So "me" !!

Whew !!!

~ Alex